Saturday, November 13, 2010; 4:12pm

Christmas always brings about a sort of reminiscent pain in me that I can't explain. When I was a really young child, probably five or six, I loved Christmas with my family. My brothers and I never got that many gifts, but my mother made the best of what we did get by giving us homemade hot chocolate and candy canes. Then, after opening the one or two gifts she was able to give to us, we would pop in a Christmas movie and tuck in for the night/early morning on Christmas Eve before we'd go to my grandmother's on Christmas Day. I loved that. I adored being able to sit on my mommy's lap, warm in my footy-pajamas, while she sang with us and asked us if we wanted to listen to the radio to hear where Santa Claus was at. I knew at a really early age that Santa Claus wasn't real. Growing up with two older brothers, why wouldn't I? But, it was still nice to imagine that there was a man in the sky that cared enough about all the children in the world that he traveled the whole Earth in one night to deliver toys and candy to them.

I used to lay up underneath the Christmas tree when I was still small enough to do so and watch the twinkling lights until I fell asleep. We had these Christmas beads that we used to drape over the tree for garland. They smelled so bad, smelled like someone had dipped them into motor oil for some reason. My mom still has them packed away in all her Christmas decorations, but they're all tangled together and broken in a lot of places. Everytime I help her decorate her tree, though, I sniff them, because it reminds me of laying up under the tree and watching those lights, smelling that horrible smell, still happy as can be with my new jammies and hot chocolate. They remind me of a time before things got too hectic and bad that we couldn't be a normal family anymore.

I remember the last okay Christmas we had as an entire family, with my grandparents, mom, and brothers. We were living with my mom's boyfriend at the time, and because he had a son that was a few years younger than me who lived with his mother, we generally did the Christmas that wasn't at my grandparent's house on Christmas Eve completely. Sometimes, we'd even end up doing it the day before Christmas Eve because we kids would get so impatient; but that year, we did it on Christmas Eve like what was tradition. I got a bunch of new clothes, a karaoke machine, and some toys. A few CDs from the boyfriend's mother. It was a good haul that I walked away with. I was happy with material things around that time. I think I was about twelve or thirteen. On Christmas Day, we went to my grandparent's house. I can't remember what I got there. I only remember that I had an amazing time, because we'd just gotten a new puppy in September, and he'd come along. My brother and I took him outside to let him run in the snow. We left one of the walkie talkies my brother got for Christmas inside with my mom and took the other outside with us. We talked with her the entire time we chased the puppy around the dark yard. After we got done playing, we went back inside and my mom said it was time to go home. No, it was time for she and I to go home. Around that time, my brother lived with my grandmother and didn't come home with us anymore. So, she and I packed up all of our stuff, gifts, leftovers from dinner, and left in the car. We ended up having to turn around and go right back to my grandparent's house after we got home, because as was typical of my mom's boyfriend, he was drunk and passed out in the living room and had locked us out. My mom didn't have a key. So we spent Christmas night at my grandparent's house. I remember not being bothered by it at all, because I was able to spend the entire night with my whole family while we were all still getting along. Things got bad after that year, but I'll always remember that year, because I was happy.

Christmas used to be such a family holiday for us but since that year, it's turned into a big fest of who can get the better bargains and the most gifts for other people. The food isn't even that good anymore. I find myself wishing every year that something will be like it used to and I'll be happy, even for just five minutes, with my family.

Kody and his family don't celebrate Christmas, but not for religious reasons, just because they never really had the money to do so. I don't think badly or different or them because of it. Contrary, I think they were smart to never commercialize Christmas the way everyone else has. It just saddens me a bit, because part of the joy of the holiday season to me is sitting next to the Christmas tree with its lights twinkling and reading a book with a cup of hot chocolate. I've made Kody promise me that I can at least decorate for the holiday. I don't care about presents and whatnot. I'm just going to decorate and make my cookies. I'll still be spending Christmas with my mother like I always do.

Anyway, this is long winded enough. What are your thoughts on Christmas tradition? What do you and yours do?

Until next time-

Jade;